Post Harkness Question

After the Harkness Discussion, Ms. Maxey asked her students why they are unable to relate to any of the war characters from the book. Why are we as readers able to relate to some of the most abstract and interesting of characters, like Holden Caulfield, and not characters from O'Brien's book? I personally believe it is because war is unlike any experience any of us as students have had. The violent environment that the war provides where one is forced to kill is completely unlike anything a regular civilian could possibly experience. In addition, veterans and current soldiers and military officers deserve a high level of respect for their sacrifices for this nation. It would be rude or disrespectful of me to try to compare a situation in my life to that of a soldier fighting in war. The amount of physical and mental stress they go through or have gone through is truly unmeasurable by a civilian, so for me to relate myself or my emotions to that of a soldier would almost minimize their actions and importance to our country.
While I cannot say that I fully relate to Holden Caulfield, I am able to relate my emotions or aspects of my life to that of his because he has not experienced war and the tremendous effects fighting in war has on soldiers. It's appropriate for me as a reader to be able to relate and compare myself to another civilian, not a war veteran or soldier.